A sunny weekend...

So this weekend, we went wheeling in Willow Valley. Is always a pretty run, but I think this year was the best. We had fewer rigs, the temp was awesome and only a few break downs. We kept moving most of the time with no major stucks. After the run we had plenty of sunlight to get a fews things done at home.

Sunday was just as pretty. We got a lot of little things done, which by the way feels like you have done a ton. And it was relaxing to just get them done and out of the way.

I had a good weekend. I slept well and no "bad" days. Made the weekend good and has started my week out well...

~ Great words by a Great Man ~

" It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood: who strives valiantly: who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming: but who does actually strive to do deeds: who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." President Theodore Roosevelt

So a week gone by....

So I have let a week slide by..Where have I been.
Lost in some ways. Not sure what I was doing.

Lately I have been sitting in trucks. At confirmation class, the baseball practices and then at games and shoots. Why, to save gas. But does it save me??

Gives me time to read, but mainly time to think. I want to spend my time more wisely, but when I have the time to do something with, I make an excuse on why not to do it, to cold to walk, just to tired, not in the mood or some other silly reason.....

So my thinking gets me to that point. What DO I WANT?
I knew when I was younger, before that first nightmare...

I wanted to do something with horses. I wanted to ride, to have fun. I wanted a family that does lots of things together. To enjoy each other.

Now I have two horses in the field that I only look at, and a family that only sees each other first thing in the morning and after practice is complete at 8 every day. Weekends are spent in the truck for hours on end and then at the game or such. One child enjoys wheeling with us, but the other does not.

Summer weekends are all booked for games, competitions, camps and fair. I feel like I am going a hundred different directions.

How do I get back to myself, my wants. I don't know yet. I hate to cut my boys activites down and I know they will only be home for another five years. As for the horses, one needs work and I just do not want to spend my little time in training her. Should I sell her?? Should I knuckle down and spend the money to send her to a trainer??? I just don't know and a part of me just does not want to decide....

So where did my week go??? Time in the truck, dreams thought and lost. Time to never get back...

Alturas Wheeling

So this weekend we went wheeling in Alturas.

Beautiful desert country. Being early in the year we had great spring creeks and some snow. Weather was hot and I got a little burn...Drove home Saturday night.

So got to work on things on Sunday. I was having a great day so mess with my chickens and cleaned Mare's mane and tail. I think she is happy to have the braids out.

The weekend was good people, good food and good times.

Depression

So what am I doing??
I really have no idea, but thought maybe this will help.

I have really good days and then really bad days. And I find it hard at times to be myself.

I have had to keep this hidden for so long. Only my husband knows what I have.

Is it a diesease??? I am not sure.. Do I think drugs will help?? Heck no.

I do know that it is emotional and that you are not born with it. You get it!!!!

So thru this blog I hope to work pass this shadow....I know that there is a light at the end...

Introduction

So I have decide to try to see if blogging will help. Here I will just add my thoughts and feelings. Enjoy and feel free to email me...

Me