So a week gone by....

So I have let a week slide by..Where have I been.
Lost in some ways. Not sure what I was doing.

Lately I have been sitting in trucks. At confirmation class, the baseball practices and then at games and shoots. Why, to save gas. But does it save me??

Gives me time to read, but mainly time to think. I want to spend my time more wisely, but when I have the time to do something with, I make an excuse on why not to do it, to cold to walk, just to tired, not in the mood or some other silly reason.....

So my thinking gets me to that point. What DO I WANT?
I knew when I was younger, before that first nightmare...

I wanted to do something with horses. I wanted to ride, to have fun. I wanted a family that does lots of things together. To enjoy each other.

Now I have two horses in the field that I only look at, and a family that only sees each other first thing in the morning and after practice is complete at 8 every day. Weekends are spent in the truck for hours on end and then at the game or such. One child enjoys wheeling with us, but the other does not.

Summer weekends are all booked for games, competitions, camps and fair. I feel like I am going a hundred different directions.

How do I get back to myself, my wants. I don't know yet. I hate to cut my boys activites down and I know they will only be home for another five years. As for the horses, one needs work and I just do not want to spend my little time in training her. Should I sell her?? Should I knuckle down and spend the money to send her to a trainer??? I just don't know and a part of me just does not want to decide....

So where did my week go??? Time in the truck, dreams thought and lost. Time to never get back...